Well, This is Awkward
by spookyidol
Summary: Maki likes Honoka, but she isn't the only one.
1. Chapter 1

**Maki Point of View:**

 **Diary Entry:**

 _I've been noticing the way she's been looking at me more and more recently. At least… I think I have. I kind of hope I'm not just imagining it. Every time she looks at me I feel my heart do a weird fluttery thing. It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but I just wanted to get this down on paper. I don't know. Its weird how it's easier to tell your feelings to a piece of paper than it is to a friend._

 _I thought about telling Umi about this, but I figured if Umi found out, then Kotori would be bound to find out as well, and it wouldn't be long before everyone knew... So, a diary entry it is._

 _Okay, I'm just gonna go ahead and write it: I like her. I like Honoka. I mean, really like her._

 _I know everyone wants me to be with Nico. I know she likes me. I like her too, but only as a friend. I can't help the way I feel. This is it. I know what I want, and its Honoka. All I need to do is work up the courage to tell her how I feel._

* * *

It's absolutely freezing today. I'm a second year in school now and so Nico, Nozomi and Eli are all off at college doing their own thing, but that doesn't mean we don't see each other regularly. I'm happy we've managed to keep the friendship group so close, and even though I do miss the live shows, it's sometimes pretty nice not to have the pressure of song writing and dance routine deadlines hanging over us. We can just take it easy.

I'm walking to the front gates, and my heart stops when I see Honoka standing there, blowing warm breath into her hands. I think for a second that I'd love to hold them – to say I wanted to warm them up, but really just to feel them – then I think about how embarrassing that would be and I push the thought out of my head.

Honoka sees me and smiles her huge smile, waving her arms and calling my name. I pad towards her, careful not to slip on any ice on the way. When I get to her, she immediately diverts her attention to Kotori, who was apparently following not far behind me. Kotori happily joins us as we approach the school, and I try not to silently curse her for not allowing us to have a moment alone.

* * *

Classes drone by, but it's not too bad. I'm excited for lunch because I've expertly prepared myself the most amazing bed of rice with chopped up vegetables. Despite the cold, I decide to sit outside on the bench that surrounds the big tree on the school grounds. I'm the only one there until Kotori sits down and joins me.

"Your lunch looks good." She smiles as she pulls out her own. Compared to hers, mine is nothing. She's got little pieces of meat that are cut into the shapes of smiling panda bears planted on top of carefully moulded rice. It smells amazing. I guess all that time she spends designing clothes makes her lunches come out cute too.

None of us say anything for a while, until I notice she's starting to look nervous.

She looks up at me and asks "Can I tell you something, Maki?"

"Of course you can, you can always tell me anything." I put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. I'm always happy for my friends to confide in me.

She looks relieved. "I'm so glad! I just wanted to tell someone. I don't think I can keep it a secret anymore…" she takes a deep breath. "I have a crush on Honoka."

I almost spat out my rice. My heart drops. I gulp but it's hard to swallow. I try to keep up my friendly expression and not tighten my grip on her shoulder. Instead I just nod, stand up, and say "Good for you! You should definitely go for it. I'm sure you guys would make a great couple."

I could feel her eyes on me as I walked away, hands stuffed deep into my pockets. I knew I'd left my lunch behind on the bench but right now I didn't care to go back and retrieve it. The last thing I thought as I walked away was _'This isn't going to end well.'_

* * *

 **Woah, it's me, the one who wrote this. This is my first time writing a weird 1st person format, present tense, diary-entry-containing absolute mess. But I hope someone enjoys it anyway!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Maki point of view:**

 **Diary Entry:**

 _I feel stupid for scribbling in this thing right away, but what else can I do?_

 _I can't stop thinking about what Kotori would have said if I'd told her how I feel before she had the chance to. But I guess 'what ifs' are pointless._

 _What if Kotori wants me to help her win Honoka? Why else would she have told me? It's not like I can turn around and say, "No way, I like her too!" I don't want to do anything that might hurt our friendship._

 _My feelings might go away if I just shut them out. If I focus on other things, maybe I won't think about Honoka._

 _If I help Kotori, maybe it will feel like I'm helping myself. Maybe I can share her experiences through the stories she'll no-doubt tell me and pretend I'm her._

 _But that's stupid, and really, I'm just scrawling unnecessary thoughts to avoid doing anything._

* * *

The smell of old piano sheet music wafts through the room. It's warm in here, but I keep my scarf on. The pointlessness of taking it off only to have to put it back on again when I leave makes me feel exhausted just thinking about it.

I sit on the edge of the piano stool, my fingertips barely touching the keys, as I press my tongue against the roof of my mouth.

I can't play today.

Frustrated, I drop my hands to my side, catching a glimpse of my watch on my wrist. I see that it's already been more than an hour since school finished. I'd sat through my lessons barely able to concentrate on what I was supposed to be learning. Math, I suppose.

I look at the little window in the door and remember how Honoka would stare at me through it, clapping excitedly. I remember the yellow ribbon in her hair bouncing up and down when she couldn't keep herself still as she watched me. I smiled.

"No," I tell myself. "Don't think about her."

Inhale, exhale. Calm myself down. Stop the annoying fluttering in my chest. It's insufferable, like how I feel when I get the hiccups and can't make them go away.

Sighing, I push myself away from the piano, sliding the stool backwards.

Eventually, I grab my bag and open the door. I almost trip over. Someone had left something lying around on the floor. I was about to yell down the hallway for people to be more careful when I realised what it was.

I bend down to pick it up.

It's my lunch box, and resting on top is a note:

 _Thank you for listening to me earlier!_ (・8・)

Knowing Kotori had been just outside made me a little flustered, and I'm not sure whether or not to feel uncomfortable.

Had she been watching me? Or was I just being unreasonably paranoid? How long had she been there? Did she see me sitting soundlessly at the piano, sulking? Had she even looked through the window at all?

I stare at the note for a while. Cute handwriting. Pink pen. ' _How like her'_ , I think.

* * *

As I head home, I catch the sight of Rin not so far ahead of me. She's kneeling behind the railings, holding an umbrella over her head. It isn't snowing.

Quietly, I approach her until I'm only a few meters behind her. I cough.

Rin spins around, wide-eyed. "Maki!" She looks around. "I didn't know you'd still be here. I thought you'd have gone home by now."

I raised an eyebrow. It's not unlike me to stay late at school and spend time in the music room.

"What are you doing?"

"Shush!" she tugs on my arm, pulling me down beside her.

"Hey!" I exclaim, rubbing my arm.

She shoots me a look. I stare blankly at her, until she points through the railing.

In front of us, we have a view of the school entrance and its staircase that leads to the road. Standing tall, a hand on her hip, is Umi. Her dark hair falls beside her waist, swaying gently in the air. She's standing with a bunch of girls I don't recognise.

"Who are they?" I ask Rin.

"I'm not sure," she pauses for a moment. "But I've seen Umi hanging around them lately. I caught them together in the bathroom. They stopped talking when I came in."

Rin sits down on the ground, carelessly soaking into a puddle beneath her. Her facial expression doesn't even change.

She goes on. "I know it's weird to be spying on her. But this isn't like her. I want to know what's going on."

I nod. The two of us watch Umi in silence together for a while. They talk for a while. We hear them laughing. A girl standing beside her hands her something. Umi takes it and I'm sure I can see her smiling.


End file.
